In the Zone

A fellow father of three children mentioned to me the other day the differences of two versus three children. He saw it in terms of sports, which I love, and said it is like switching from a man to man defense to a zone.  I liked this analogy at first but it just didn't sit well. I came to the conclusion that it implies that parents are against their children. Like some battle is being waged or that we are one different teams. Family life is not a battle or even a juggling act between parents trying to take care of the child who is in most need at that moment. Family life is community. We all work together. Maybe a better sports analogy is of coaches and players. My wife and I train our kids to play the game.

We don't play it for them. They become self sufficient and need us less. We by no means abandon our kids but we trust them to make the right play when the time comes. The more we do for our children the worse players they become. They become players who cry to the ref for every foul, cheat to win, don't know the rules or pick fights with the other kids.

Anyway back to having three kids, when I am home alone with three kids I don’t play zone. I coach. I tell the 4 year old or 2 year old to rock the baby while I make them a snack. I make the oldest one put on his own clothes even when he cries for me to do it. I make sure my sassy two year old spends lots of time in the penalty box.  I play “Red light, Green light” but use the words stop and go and call it the “Listening Game” because I think they do not remember what stop means. We dance and sing and play together. I don’t play against them. I coach them and sometimes they let me play too.